Sunday, June 27, 2010

I get by with a little help from my friends

When we lived in Houston during med school, our church congregation was called the Hermann Park Ward. Med school was a particularly stressful time in my life, but my wonderful friends kept me going. Our husbands' had similarly long hours and we were all young mothers living in cramped quarters. We all walked with restless children through the halls of the church, we hung out in the nursing mother's room during Sunday School, and we got to know every place in Houston that was worth visiting with little kids. We had fun together at playgroup and pre-school, and we lived at the UT student housing playground.

When we moved to San Antonio, I either left friends behind or they moved away as well. As a result of living in the Stone Oak area of San Antonio, our church family tended to be older than we were, further along in their careers, and with older children. It was difficult to be fairly alone in my husband's schedule and our subsequent Army life, with my oldest children the ages of other families' babies, with more friends outside of church than at church. There were a few times at church when our young children would be a handful at church and the older ladies behind me would laugh quietly to themselves. It took years, really until Audrey was born, for me to realize that they were not laughing at my misfortune, but they were reminiscing together on their time spent in my shoes.

Although the good friends I had at church, my Army and Hardy Oak friends kept me going those six years in San Antonio, I still have a hard time writing and even talking about the day one particular friend left. My friend Karina's husband was the only other resident at church whose schedule rivaled Neil's. With children roughly the same ages as ours', I did not have to explain anything to Karina for her to understand what my life was like. Better still was that Karina seemed to pull off our crazy lifestyle with such grace and infinitely more energy, that I looked to her when I was not sure what to do next. Even though we did not see each other on a daily basis, I was unprepared for the intense loneliness that I felt when she left. I spent the next year at church saying, "Yes, Neil is at work again. Yes, I am alone again. No, it did not bother me until you asked me about it." Well, maybe I did not say the last part aloud, but I thought it often.

There were some great Army friends that I made in our first week in SA that I still miss. There was one friend, whose husband was Neil's colleague, where a typical conversation between us was, "How are you doing?" "Girl." With a certain look in our eyes, that was all we needed to explain what we were dealing with. Her husband just began his second deployment and I think of her often. My Army friends are spread all over the world by now, and I look forward to being stationed with them again. I keep trying to plant the idea in Neil's mind of a San Antonio military medicine reunion cruise in a few years.

Then we moved on to Fayetteville. I knew after our first week there, that we were where the Lord wanted us to be. Or more specifically, that He knew that I needed these people. It was wonderful to be surrounded, not only at church, but in our neighborhood and school with friendly and down-to-earth people. I was pleasantly surprised by what great friends I made in my short time in Fayetteville and I look forward to being stationed with them again, as well.

Now that we have landed in Boston, or Needham, to be more exact, our ward is a lot of fun. It is a larger version of the Hermann Park Ward. There are young families everywhere. But I have to say that I love not being the young mom trying to keep a baby quiet or entertain a toddler. I am in a much better place now that Sydney is the oldest girl in Primary, the elementary-school age kids' program. I watch these young moms and reminisce about the time I spent with my friends as a young mother in Houston. I start to smile and stop myself before it turns into a quiet laugh-no need to torture someone who thinks I am laughing at their active child.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Andy, Woody, Jack, and four not-so-little munchkins: The secret life of dogs, toys and little kids

Here is a recap of recent events and a few of thoughts:

Today we went for a stroll in a great little park in nearby Dover. From friends' comments, we imagined that Dover was a town without, gasp, a town newspaper, and inhabited by yokels. While we did not meet anyone from Dover on the trails today, we passed miles of McMansions situated on acres of gently rolling hills and surrounded by forests.

Earlier today, Ainsley made a comment today about how I went to high school back in the 1970s. I laughed and later decided that we needed to get those math workbooks out to practice for school sooner rather than later.

As we sat down for lunch today, Zach, with tears in his eyes, and a sad little frown on his face, asked if he could rescue his stuffies (Read: Stuffed Animals) if our house ever caught on fire. When the girls asked if he was crying, he wiped his eyes and replied that his eyes were sweating. He picked that up on Disney's Phineas and Ferb. I asked him if he would like to give his stuffies a hug before he ate his lunch. When he returned to the table I had to explain to him that while we could replace his stuffies, we could not replace him. That meant that if there ever was a fire, he would not be allowed to run back for his buddies-he would have to get out of the house and help his little sister to do the same.

While we were "hiking," Audrey ran out of energy. She began calling for Jackie, our yellow lab, for help. She decided that she would marry him so that he could make her feel better for forever. He is her best friend; when she feels sad, he stands next to her so that she can lay her head down on his shoulder and hug him. When Audrey plays with my iPhone Mini-Me app, she always includes a dog with her mini-me. During lunch, Audrey started telling stories about way back when she was a dog and the pet hotel caught on fire. Zach was adamant that, not only did humans not start out life as dogs, but that she could not marry a dog because he would get dog fur in her bed. Ainsley was adamant, that if Audrey did indeed marry Jack, that she would have puppies. We tried to explain that little four year olds did not think like that.

After our trip to the park, we took the kids to see Toy Story 3. I will admit to crying through the beginning and end of the movie. I thought of my nephew, Tyler, and our new friend, Gage, who both loved Toy Story when they were preschoolers. I thought how they were just like Andy, growing up so fast, leaving behind all the fun things they loved to do as little boys, for the world of men. One of my favorite movies of all times is Johnny Depp, of course, in "Finding Neverland." I cannot watch that movie too often because I do not particularly care for movies that make me cry, but I love, love the line about how little boys should never be put to bed. One day they will wake up and they will not be a little boy any longer. In all honesty, that thought has been at the back of my mind since Zach was born. So much of how we raise Zach has been influenced by that premise, and that fear.

We enjoyed watching the US soccer game this week, and we screamed and cried when the US made their goal. We hope tomorrow goes as well. Near the end of the game, Sydney went into her room because she was sure that all was lost. She told us that she said a prayer that the US would win, and then she heard us celebrating. She felt certain that she helped the US win their game. Later that afternoon I overheard Neil telling Sydney that when you pray for one team to win, you are, in effect, praying for someone else to lose.

We miss our friends in North Carolina and continue to miss our friends and family in Texas. Zach still talks about moving to Texas so that we can have Taco Cabana. We do not miss the weather in either place. We have used our AC this week due to the 90F weather, but I have heard this heat wave will not last.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Boston, Week 2

After we watched the cardboard boxes and packing paper stack up on our driveway, we decided to enlist the services of the local garbage collectors. It cost us $50 to have them pick up just the boxes, but it felt wonderful to watch the trash disappear without any effort on my part. While I am glad not to have to service my own trash, I see the virtue in doing so. If we had to handle our own trash beyond taking it to the curb, it is safe to assume that we would look for ways to consume less. One day, when the weather thaws next Spring, I might be ready to head to the transfer station. Until then, and especially when two feet of snow covers the ground, I will be happy to watch someone else take my trash away for me.

On Saturday, we drove out to Minuteman Park, took a short hike along the trail that Paul Revere rode, and watched a short video at the Visitor's Center. The trail looked like a perfect place for a future bike ride. We drove by Walden Pond, but it was so full of visitors, that it was closed until enough people left. From the road, the "pond" was beautiful. We made plans to take Audrey there to swim on her birthday, but we later heard that the spring flooding reduced the beach-front entry on the beach there. How cool would it be to say that you went swimming in Walden Pond for your birthday?

We spent the past few days visiting a local lake as a family and with friends. It has been nice to work on my tan while the kids played on the beach. Apparently I have "graduated" from chasing my kids at the beach to merely keeping a head-count (a fairly constant head count, but still) as I relax with my book and chat with my friends at the edge of the water. I feel like I have put my time in and can watch as other young moms keep their babies from eating sand, run off from the group or wade too deep in the water. Of course, if Audrey had inherited the thrill-seeking McMullin gene, it would be a whole different ball game. She would be running off, going in too deep, doing running front flips into the water like Zach did before he could swim. As it is, Audrey is content to stay in the shallows, knows her boundaries, and would not be found without me or her siblings. Also, there is a difference between standing in the shade up here and standing in the shade down in the heat and humidity in TX.

We enjoyed the kids' track last night. We hung out in the beautiful weather with some new friends while Sydney did running training and exercises, Ainsley and Zachary participated in track and field events, and Audrey watched her age group have fun. It will be fun to spend our summer evenings there, but I keep expecting to see my friends walking around.

On an unrelated note, and mostly I mention this for my Dad, I just found out that I have a 200 text message limit on my phone bill. Neil just informed me that I am at 500 this month. What? I thought I had unlimited texts. I have had this phone plan for eighteen months. I guess I have never gone over on texts, so I have not noticed it on the bill. I am going to have to pay to upgrade those to unlimited ASAP. Until then, no more text messaging. I know you are all thinking, "What are you, 17?"

We hung pictures yesterday and continue to make frequent trips to storage. I unpacked my suitcase and the rest of my clothes today. Tomorrow we are heading back to the Dedham Farmer's Market to buy pure maple syrup, fresh Haddock, porterhouse steaks, and some fresh vegetables.

On a World Cup note, is anyone surprised that the French are such drama queens-the players, the staff, or the fans?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Moving to Boston has been quite the adventure. There were many days that I did not think I would survive, that the chaos around me threatened to engulf me, and that the buzzing in my head was compounded by my kids touching each other, crossing the imaginary line on the seat in the car, or by someone actually biting another someone in the bum.

When we moved to Fayetteville less than a year ago, I do not remember it being quite as traumatic for me. Perhaps it was doing all of the packing and loading last year while the kids were in Houston at Camp GG Grami. (AKA, staying at GG's house with Grami, too.) It could also have been the 5 days we spent at Disney en route to Fayetteville where my only responsibility was to make sure we used all of our dining plan meals and made it through the parks with the least amount of waiting in line. And lastly, it could be the almost 1000 sq feet difference in last year's house and our new house in Needham.

Last year when we were still in boxes, we could throw everything in the two spare rooms. Currently, we are getting out of boxes as fast as possible because we are constantly worrying about tipping one over and the china inside breaking, having our kids fall down the stairs trying to avoid a box, or not having anywhere to walk that isn't covered by boxes.

This is our first introduction to living in an area where a high cost of living forces people to economize on space. The elevation of the house in Fayetteville had a front door with two windows to either side and then a garage. Those windows were from two separate rooms. Similarly, our house here in Needham has two windows on either side of the front door, but those windows come from the living room, Sydney's room, and our room. Sans garage.

Having said that, this house has some great qualities: recessed lights in every room and in the kitchen there are sky lights which open electronically. Almost every window in the house has honeycomb shades which should help keep the heat in this winter. There is actually quite a bit of built in storage so that I have lots of empty cabinets in the kitchen. It is true that I got rid of an entire set of dishes, and that my china is in storage, but after the unpacking began, having a set of dishes to use when I didn't feel like using my everyday set did not seem so important. Although I briefly considered throwing out my holiday plate collection, I made space for it. Did I mention that there is no pantry? Luckily we have plenty of space for food.

For the first time in our almost thirteen years of marriage, we have more than one tv hooked up in our house. It is such a luxury to send the kids to the basement to watch a Disney show. In our defense, we have been training them to watch World Cup Soccer.

Can I just throw in that I think USA was robbed today by the ref. Dana White, the President of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, is famous for saying that a fighter should never leave the outcome of a fight in the hands of the judges. This applies to soccer as well-if the Americans had not allowed that early goal, they would have won...

Finally, there is the trash service here. When our landlord first asked us what we would do with our trash, Neil and I looked at each other, literally speechless. (You know us, and that never, ever happens...) My first thought was the city government takes care of trash service-even if they contract out to private companies, you arrange for the service through the city or county. Here in Needham, the city offers a trash transfer park. (AKA the city dump). For $60 each year, plus the cost of the special yellow bags, at $1.60 per bag, you, too, can load your car up with your trash and drive to the Transfer Station to visit with your friends while you drop off your trash. From the people I have talked to, it is a cultural event here where there are boy scout car washes, politicians hang signs and campaign, you chit chat with friends. Neil left the decision up to me since I am in charge of trash at our house. I briefly considered the adage "When in Rome..." but ultimately I called the trash pick-up service who will pick up my trash each week so long as it is in any kind of bag, and take my recycling, as well. I have never recycled before, but I can pick up that cultural habit. (It is free to recycle here. Conversely, we see that the city government is attempting to change an individual's behavior by taxing them when they do not do what the city government wants. Wow, where else do we see that?) Anyway, for $50 they will come pick up the rest of the boxes, packing paper, and trash generated by moving in, and then for another $52 each month, they will come by once a week. On the bright side, the lovely owner of the trash service insists that when I take two weeks to vacation at the Vineyard in August, he wil credit my account.

We are in love with our new grocery store, Trader Joe's. Their homemade tortillas are on par with Guadalajara's in Houston. That is saying something. We went to a Farmer's Market for the second time ever, and bought a head of lettuce with lots of dirt still on it, but no pesticides, fish that had been caught that morning nearby, and some ribs form a community farm that does CSA, or community agriculture. Super cool stuff. They tried to convince me to buy lobster that my kids had been playing with so that I could butterfly it while it was still alive and then grill it. I had to wipe the tears away before the people saw them. Never in a million years could I do that, even to a lobster.

The most startling thing has been everyone's reaction to the kids. We get more stares as we walk through restaurants and buildings. Today someone told us that we had an army. I was tempted to tell them that we call them Dumbledore's Army and that we teach them wizarding spells. Most people can tell right away that we are not from around here. Fortunately, the kids have chosen those moments to behave the perfect little angels they are. It's just in the car that they go nuts on us.

We found a Cost-Co and Target. There is no Wal-Mart nearby, and Neil says he can go the next three years without stepping inside one. The most comforting thing we have done so far was to drive to the Air Force Base. Why did my heart rate go down when I saw the familiar signs to the Commissary? Neil and I were commenting on how wierd that makes us when even an Air Force base seems more normal than where we are.

Off to bed because the sun rises here before 0530.