Acting Out

The other day, Sydney revised a short story she wrote for school last year. Her characters were in a tree house, and, here's the change, chatting about Jon and Kate's divorce. My first thought was not quite charitably aimed at Jon and Kate. Why would my ten year old feel the need to discuss this, I wondered?

The way Kate spoke to her husband each week in front of millions of people embarrassed me for both of them. Notwithstanding my opinion on Kate's communication skills, this could be easily explained by the amount of stress and noise she encounters each day. Every one of us would have a short temper or lose our patience if we had eight kids running around. To give Kate credit, I have been amazed at her energy, organizational skills, and how clean her house always seems to be. What I can't excuse is the couple's oft declared choice to remain "committed to the show" throughout their summer-long tabloid battle. Millions of dollars richer, Jon and Kate have commited their children to experiencing their lives, the good and the bad, in front of a camera. It's turned out so well for Lindsey Lohan, the Olsen twins, Michael Jackson.

Except that TLC just announced that Jon has been fired. The show will now be called "Kate Plus 8." It takes two to tango, and certainly Jon bears responsiblity for his fastly deteriorating relationship with his wife and children. However, Kate recently reinforced to Larry King "she is committed to the show" without Jon. It appears that even the infallible victim of Jon's so-called antics, Kate, has chosen everything this world has to offer over the well-being and future of her children. Eventually, her boys will move on from their preschool antics to acting out as a way to express their unhappiness, confusion, or uncertainty. Maybe they will show up at a Conservative Tea Party or Health Care Town Hall Meeting.

There are few people in Washington that know what to do about all of these Conservatives organizing Tea Parties or protesting the current path of health care reform. Historically, Republicans have not taken advantage of their right to free speech on such a large scale. The media and Democrats are aghast at the partisanship, divisiveness, racism, and vitriol unleashed by those who oppose the President's health care reform, blah, blah, blah. Without saying it, they believe the cause of this popular uprising is hatred. A hatred of poor people, of minorities, of change, and even of Obama. They couldn't be more wrong.

The Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, or STEP, teaches that children act out when they are looking to fill certain needs. It follows that adults might do the same thing. The point no one mentions is that Republicans are acting so uncharacteristically because they need attention and validation.

Our Presidential Primary system is deeply flawed. How else can primary votes in one of the largest states in the nation fail to affect the outcome of the race? How can we explain that the Republican candidate was chosen, in part, by those who will not vote Republican in the national election? No one in Washington paid attention to the Conservative base during the Primaries; as a result, we did not want the candidate we ended up with. Sarah Palin was obviously an attempt to pacify the conservative base. Everyone knew that McCain couldn't beat Obama, so there was no harm in offering the base what they wanted.

To extend the Preschool metaphor, it's as if there is toddler crying and pointing at the Ring Pops in the check-out line at Walmart. The parent can tell what the child wants, but gives him a box of Teddy Grahams to hold instead. Close enough, right, but healthier and already on the grocery list. The child throws the box on the ground and begins to ramp it up. The parent doesn't want a fit-they're almost done checking out-so they give in by handing the child the candy. At first the child stops crying because he got what he wanted. Then he realizes that he can't put it in his mouth, and he hands it to his mom to open. This is her compromise: he can hold the Ring Pop, but she won't let him actually eat it. When she won't open the candy, he starts to scream. When she ignores him, he kicks and hits. Finally, when she takes the candy away, he shoves the groceries from the counter onto the floor. It's as if he's saying to her, "Listen to me! This is what I want! Pay attention to me."

I understood the meaning of disenfranchisement when I voted in the Primaries for a candidate whose name was on the ballet although they had already withdrawn from the race. I effectively threw away my vote rather than vote for either of the men the political machine offered up. When the national election rolled around, I voted for McCain only because Palin was on the ticket. Between their inevitable loss to Obama and the disastrous Senate/Congressional results, I cried for about three days after the election. Who was left to represent me? Who was left that answered to me? Who was left to stem the tide that was about to be unleashed?

There is no one in Washington accountable to the Conservative base. We can call our Congressmen all day long, but very few actually represent "us." Everyone who's taken high school Government class understands that Democracies are successful because of the peaceful transition to power. We lost, so this is what we get. Twelve years ago, though, losing meant more money for welfare, more money for the environment, stricter car emissions, background checks for buying a weapon and hippies saturating the State Dept. While conservatives might not agree with those things, they are mostly amoral choices that didn't interfere with our ability to sleep at night.

Losing today means government take over of housing, government take over of wall street, government take over of big auto, government take over of health care, and we're not even finished with the first year. I'm not suggesting that these are immoral choices, but the stakes are higher than they have been in many decades. These important decisions were barely on the horizon when moderates and liberals voted for John McCain in the New Hampshire primary. The course of the country is changing, and roughly half of the country has no say in the direction we're heading.

Organizing tea parties and protests is the only means left to conservatives to attract Washington's attention. They are screaming out "Look at me! Listen to me! This is what I want!" Unfortunately, it's a day late and a dollar short. If only they had been as enthusiastic two years ago, things might be different. Signs that the housing market and the economy were going to tank were there, but only if you knew where to look.

The current debates raise valid concerns about the purpose and roles of the federal government, whether our nation still desires a true free market economy, and the intent and limitations of the Constitution. If the conservative base had been as involved and outspoken when the debate centered soley around how to end the war, they wouldn't need to resort to political temper tantrums to be heard now. If that toddler had picked up the Ring Pop early on and then compared it to new clothes, or to new toys, new CD's, or to an entire bag of Ring Pops, the mom would have gladly given the kid a Ring Pop. Thank goodness we're not a bunch of toddlers.

I happen to have inside knowledge of the two year old mind of little boys in relation to their beloved Ring Pops that have since been traded up for Bionicles. I read in a parenting book to make a shopping list for each child. Every time the kiddo wants a toy, you write it down on their list. Doing so demonstrates to the child that you have listened to him and are validating his feelings. And yet you have not committed to buying anything. It's a great compromise and works really well, especially the few months before Christmas. (I'll even walk through the store taking pictures of every toy they want as long as they understand that they get one toy from us, one toy from Santa, and maybe something from their extended family, if they're lucky. My kids are lucky, and their extended family always spoils them.) Even during the rest of the year, you'll end up buying the rest of the reasonable things off the list because you see the list so often and because they're reasonable. As in the $20 Lego Star Wars Republic Gunship compared to the $50 Lego Star Wars Millenium Falcon. Except Zach doesn't have either; he's still at the $10 level of the Random Droid Ship.

Here's a List:

Give us a candidate who represents our values or we throw tea parties to change the Primary system.
Give us our candidate or we throw tea parties in support of Congressional term limits.
Give us our candidate or we throw tea parties to end the role of seniority in chosing senate committee chairmanships.

Then we can sit back and see which choice they can live with.

BTW, please note that none of the opinions expressed here have actually passed judgement upon the current administration's plans for reform.