The Dad Factor

Today was our first "regular" day since Neil's been gone. Saturday didn't count because we made fun things to do to build morale in the troops and Sunday is always different because we stick around home, church, and maybe have some friends over for dinner. So today was a test, I thought, of what an entire summer without Neil would be like. I thought we would go crazy looking for something to do. I was wrong. I've decided that Neil's work has prepared our kids really well for Dad not to be home while the sun is shining.

Let me explain by saying that last summer I decided to change how we did things in our routine to accomodate Neil's incredibly long hours in his last year of residency. We cut out all sports/dance, so that the girls only had after school clubs and church group. No crazy running around. We had snacks, did homework, played outside and with friends, had a bath, watched tv and didn't eat dinner until Dad got home every night. Then when Neil was home early or on his day off, we could go have fun instead of being tied to a schedule of games, etc. Our lives revolved around seeing Dad as much as possible. And the Auxiliary, but that's a story for another day...

The kids never felt like he missed anything; in fact, when people would ask about how glad the kids would be when dad would be home for dinner every night now that residency is over, the kids looked at them kind of funny. In fact, my kids are glad that I'm not volunteering for the Auxiliary this year so that I can "actually spend quality time with them." I wanted to ask them if we were talking about the same person.

Anyway, this summer has been different because Neil barely worked from 1 Jul until he left. I am so grateful for that time because it really filled our Dad reserves up. I think that makes a huge difference on the kids' attitudes and feelings. They're like little buckets that you fill up with love. Missing dad takes water out, but they have more water than they're used to right now. So chatting with him on the webcam, blowing him kisses, and sending him text messages is helps a lot in keeping that level high.

As far as my survival goes, I told someone my survival plan today: keep the kids busy, workout more than I did last year, refrain from eating too many donuts and drinking non-diet Coke, relax while Audrey is at free child care on Post, have visitors, celebrate Holidays and birthdays. In theory, it sounds like March will be here before I know it.

In theory, technology with dad and resources to keep my sanity sound like they can make up for Neil being gone. But it can't. For sure they make survival possible and truly help the children's tender hearts. But there is a difference in our home the minute Neil walks in the door. From a very early age, our children could sense the difference between when Dad was home and when he wasn't. There were times that my babies would cry all day, but as soon as Neil got home, they were all smiles. Now that they're all older, as soon as they hear the door being unlocked, they change. They drop what they're doing, they change their attitude to bright smiles and happy voices (And not just to avoid getting in trouble because I try not to save discipline for Dad. He doesn't want to spend his only time with the kids getting them in trouble.) They run to the door to give Dad hugs and kisses. My heart rate actually drops. Dad knows all the right things to say to the kids, he knows how to fix everything, hugs from him overcome the world-weariness in us all. He finesses through the flowers in the garden while I somehow manage to stomp on every one.

I miss Neil and so do the kids. I don't like to talk to people about him leaving because I tear up at the thought of not seeing him for so long. But I decided today that if the last 10 years haven't prepared me to hold down the fort for 2 whole days without losing it, I'd be done for already. We'll see how we are holding up a month from now.

BTW, we went to the library twice, did no cooking, went to the gym, did laundry, finished the second book in the Eragon series, and talked with Neil twice. Not bad for our first Monday.